Compassion - Simple Kindness

Compassion is that which makes the heart of the good move at the pain of others. It crushes and destroys the pain of others; thus, it is called compassion. It is called compassion because it shelters and embraces the distressed. - The Buddha

Does kindness come naturally?

I think we all have horror stories to tell about times in war, in the competitive struggle for fortune, in day to day exhaustion, when the lack of compassion has destroyed and damaged us, when it has even deformed the soul.

Earlier today I was watching part of the documentary “Corporations” a very revealing documenting of what the U.S., especially, does in the name of capitalism and profit. I large part of that movie’s message is that a corporation has no innate compassion or motivation toward compassion and it takes a huge effort for the terrible effects of their exploitation of others to be brought to our attention and then an even greater effort for any reversal of those corporate actions to be accomplished. The key seems to be recognition of the need for this compassion. But what is it? Where will it come from? It seems to me that the humans behind the corporations have had to work very hard to stifle their natural instinct toward kind actions and so we will need to work hard to bring attention to that. For more info about the film: http://www.thecorporation.com/ co-written and produced by Mark Achbar. The film is based on the book The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power by Joel Bakan. This film gave me the insights I needed to complete this hub on compassion.

Well, I have been thinking for several weeks about compassion. I wanted to write about it, but everything I was coming up with seemed stale. Now I finally have some words to describe what I've been thinking. It isn't a new subject so why should I expect to write anything all that new about it? It is enough that I feel these strong feelings about it sincerely. I am not the kind of person who usually sermonizes about things. I find it hard sometimes even to listen to others speak the way I am writing now. But right now, during a time of year that is extra-holy for many people, I feel a need to speak up on this very basic subject. If you read these words and take them to heart then that will be wonderful. But I have already done good for myself with these reminders.

As usual, I have not read other hubs here on the subject, so I may be repeating what others have said. I like to feel unencumbered when I share things with you. After I publish, then I go see what others wrote on the same subject. I know it seems backwards, but otherwise I'm sure I would't write at all.

On all levels, from the most humble person to those who guide the nations, how can we bring to the attention of the majority the need for compassionate action? How can we bring the need for compassion to the forefront of everyone’s minds? Will this kind of action be the only thing that will help our planet survive? I think so. How did it get to be a big issue with me, personally?

I had a very bad experience with a friend, someone I had thought really cared about me. She made me feel so bad I was shocked and devastated. I felt that she had completely given up on compassion as a very basic component for friendship, love, and understanding. This happened over a week ago, but I am still reeling. I don’t feel I will ever get over it. So now I am trying to learn from the experience. Her actions, themselves, were not really so terrible and were immediately forgiven by me, it was her self-justification and insulting behavior afterwards that really shocked me. She seemed to need to insult me in order to feel ok about how she had hurt me.

There seems to be a mis-guided self-protective impulse in too many human beings that comes up after they have acted badly, and they know they have acted badly. It is the need to find justification for bad actions so we can live with ourselves, I guess. But first we have to push down our impulse towards compassion in order to hurt each other in the first place. So where and when do we find compassion in ourselves, and then how do we manage to stifle it?  If we see that someone is hurting, how could we possibly want to hurt them more?

How does compassion work? You see it functioning in very young children when they go to each other’s aid, stick up for each other, help each other escape injury. They probably learned to behave this way from role-models, but it is very basic, and kids seem to recognize kindness and respond to it quickly. It helps them survive and they instinctually know that. It works out of empathetic understanding another being is hurting that we, ourselves, would hurt the same in their place. When we reach out to actually help others what we are feeling is compassion.

Yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner, a young friend was pre-occupied by the hunger of the three dogs that were lingering around him while he ate. He couldn't wait to finish eating, he insisted on going to the kitchen to help get the dogs their food. That was compassion in action. He was not upset by their bothering him, he wanted to help them.

And I believe that given a choice between compassionate behavior and selfish, hurtful behaviors, we will always choose to be kind. The thing is that we don’t always recognize we have choices in how we behave.

In order to recognize we have these choices, we must first be thoughtful. So difficult thing to do - just think of others - especially when we are feeling pressured, tired, hungry, economically depressed, or hurt from years of abuse.

But still, in these difficult times many people seem to be working hard to use their compassionate instincts to heal the huge injuries to our planet and our social networks, while others are working just as hard to stifle their natural impulses to help others and instead harm the planet in order to further their own pocketbooks or ego needs.

It is compassionate action that furthers all philanthropy and kind human actions to heal that produce all the good that occurs on our planet. It’s very simple and easy to be kind. And it must begin with the individual.

If we are guided as children towards kind thoughts and actions everyday we grow into people who can act and react with helpful kindness as a matter of course. It doesn’t take much thought when you have had the good fortune to have this kind of guidance. But what if life has not been kind to you? Where are you going to find compassion in yourself when you are feeling wounded? Just knowing it is there will help you.

I went through some particularly wrenching times in the past three years. I lost people who were very close to me and lost my livelihood for awhile. In the middle of my despair I felt suicidal and I had hit an all-time bottom. There were times when I wanted not only to destroy myself but also to actually destroy a few others who I felt were largely to blame for these bad things that had happened.

There in my misery a couple people reached out to me with kind words and actions that literally saved my life. When I asked what I could do to repay them, they told me “Pass it forward” . So I realized that although I was not in any position to financially help anyone, I could give moral support, understanding, and make thoughtful gestures in my day to day life that would bring healing, however slight, to others and at the same time help me heal as well.When I recently experienced another big hurt, I started to feel depressed, anxious and spiteful again. It was the memory of these healing gestures that made me think of writing this hub instead of sinking again into depression and sadness.

The spirit of compassion grows this way. Sometimes, these gestures are very small, indeed. Sometimes I hardly know that I have reached out in compassion until after the deed has been accomplished. It can be as simple as slowing a little to let the next car on when driving on the freeway. But every time I speak or act with compassion I feel better about myself. It is so simple, and so easy.

I say to myself, “Let it begin with me.”

The basic Buddhist principles of right-action toward enlightenment include these two - do no harm, and live with compassion in thought and action. All the rest of the traditions in this ancient religion revolve around these central concepts. It is the basis of thought that results in actually saving our world and improving it for future generations. In every single major religious system of thought compassion and mercy guide every action, so it doesn’t matter which dogma you carry with you - compassion is there.

So I hope I can always keep this in mind and will strive to be mindful especially during these holidays of light and generosity. Before taking action I must reflect on whether it will do harm, whether it will have a healing result, whether this action comes from my sincere desire to act compassionately. I find compassion in myself, and my actions help it grow, simple kindness.