Men's Ties - Analyzing the Tradition
By mega1
Men wear ties when they are serious.
When they want to sell you something, impress your parents, ask for a job, or attend a men’s club they'll make sure their tie is just right. Oh, there are other times men wear ties, like when a restaurant requires one, but it’s safe to say that most men wear ties, not because they love the things, but because it is required for the occasion. They must be serious, wear the tie, don‘t ask why. And when they are wearing a tie and wish to relax, they must first loosen it, and unbutton their shirt. It’s all about the male way to signal their desires, their intentions and their mood. Seriously. There may be a few men out there who love ties and like to use them for their own humorous purposes, but they are rare.
I was watching a movie today about a power struggle between an older and younger man in a corporate office setting . During their first meeting they couldn’t take their eyes off the ties. During their very stressed-out conversation they watched each other's ties. Suddenly it became clear to me that this is the real function of the tie for men - it is somewhere to rest the eyes and get a good impression of who you’re talking to, without spending too much time on the face, which is obviously uncomfortable for men. For guys may glance at the eyes now and then, but must not allow themselves to linger too long on the face of another man.
(Women don’t have that problem - we love to spend a lot of time looking at each other’s make-up and general facial health. We get a lot of our subtle signals over to each other with our faces so we expect women to look at us, all of us, so as not to miss the whole package. Why else would we spend all that time on our presentation? Men don't notice it. But more on that some other time.)
I’ve been aware for some time of men’s elaborate gestures to show their relative position, power, and success to each other. So I guess the tie is one of the more important props in those civilized traditions. It’s only been around for a couple hundred years and only in its present form as a knotted piece of folded and pressed silk for the last 75 years or so. The tie hasn’t lost its appeal to men of all ages, and why? Oh well . . .
But here’s the thing no one wants to talk about: ties are phallic! Aren’t they though? I mean, its hysterical! These cloths shaped into “masculine” scarves, kind of, and tied with a sharp knot are really just symbols of the male package. An unspoken way to give the world (and especially other men, who seem to be most interested) an idea of what the guy wearing it likes. In oh so many ways! These days long, long and wide, very wide and pointy at the bottom, like an upside down obelisk. Hee hee.
This leads me to the reason I, myself, often get the giggles at serious occasions, office ritual meetings, political meetings, church, weddings, funerals - everywhere men are wearing suits and ties. Because ties are funny. They are! If you don’t think so, and you’ve never investigated the subject, believe me, you can have some fun with it. Look around at the guys who think they’re classy wearing those straight edged, chunky retro 50’s and 60’s style ties! Funny! What kind of guys are doing this? Find out, you’ll see what I mean about tie humor.
Oh, and then there are the guys who think ties are funny also, and who want to make a statement about their sense of humor by wearing ties with rubber ducks swimming on the blue silk backgrounds. These guys are a lot of fun, according to their mothers.
The men who advertise their sport hobby with golf ties, rainbow trout ties, tennis, football, basketball, and baseball ties - these guys are also a lot of fun, according to their teams.
But men never, ever, ever touch each other’s ties - never reach over, like a woman would, to feel the cloth and admire the gorgeous silky softness and the shimmer of the fabric. No. Nor is it ever a good idea for a man, in the heat of argument, to reach out and grab the other a**holes’ tie and strangle him with it, even though it is just hanging there, ready for the assault. Why hurt your hand with a punch to the jaw when you’ve got a great weapon there around his stupid neck? I tell you, I’ve been tempted, but then I’m not a man. I don’t understand man-taboos, some of them.
I have a lot of respect for fashion and what it does for both men and women, but as far as the tie fads and fashions go, I think that men have taken an easy way out. They don’t really have to change much about the rest of their clothing, but sometimes they go gaga with ties. That’s because they don’t want to complicate the man costume, the way women do with their fashions.
Think for a minute about our great-aunt Jill who married but had no children and so, with oodles of time on her hands, used to make just about all of her husband’s clothing with little complaint from him. I remember in particular the avacado green wool suit she made for him (complete with flimsy, silky you-know-what shade of brown lining) that he wore complacently to church for nearly three years. UNTIL the day he was getting ready for church and she made him close his eyes while she tied around his neck a mustard yellow crocheted cotton tie, it was kind of short, narrow and squared off - SURPRISE! Uncle John hit the ceiling! He told her he’d put up with all her monkey business for long enough but he wasn’t going to wear this pukey tie - and furthermore, from now on he was going to choose his own damn ties, his own underwear, and he was getting a suit off the rack down at Macy’s first thing tomorrow morning, and to HELL with church today - and for the first time since they married, he didn’t go to church! He sat in the living room in his bvd’s all the darn day watching tv. (I know all this because great-aunt Jill, in tears and still in her hair rollers, made a bee-line for my mother’s kitchen where she waved that tie around and cried in her shrill voice, “Is it too much to ask that he just wear this tie I spent 4 hours making for him? Well, is it?”)
So, yes, ties are, and always will be, funny! And if you can keep a straight face while watching your husband tie on the sky blue one with the tiny gold cupids you bought for him on Valentine’s day as a joke, with that serious, necktie-tieing face, and the unapproachable look, then you are not thinking like I am thinking!
And if you can seriously take a lecture from your high school principle about the length of your mini-skirt while he is wearing his “Christmas” tie with little gingerbread men all over it
if you can watch while your 6 year old tries to show his 3 year old brother how to wear a clip on
if you can stand at the altar and say your vows without even a smile while the pastor’s tie with the tiny sailboats is listing to starboard
and you still don’t think ties are funny, then I just don’t know what to do with you!
Meantime, seriously consider ties as the perfect gift for all the men in your life for just about any occasion - only don’t make them yourself
Comments
Hi WriteAngled - I agree - they are pretty useless, but since men don't (usually) wear earrings and necklaces they need something there to distract us from some of the strange things that come out of their mouths! (joking, I don't really have a terrible opinion of men, usually) Thanks for the comment
I'll tie one on to that guy in the photo, anyday. Mega, hon, you just cracked me up with this one. I got my ex hubby years and years ago, a Snoopy tie, as a joke. He wore it every day to work, for years and years! He loved it! And you wonder why I loved the guy...that's why.
Yes - your ex sounds like he had some fun! Thanks very much for the comment, Paradise, I'm glad I could make you smile.
Hi mega...Great Hub on a subject that has given me much pleasure over the years...Considering that men have few options to express themselves, conservatively speaking, with clothing options in both color and style, ties allow for that expression to insert itself in a very sophisticated, colorful, and mature manner...
I wore a tie everyday that ranged from the staid wool of an Ernst highland plaid, a Rush Limbaugh flamboyant teaser, a bold British Guards stripe, and the subtle elegance of a silk Gucci or Prada...
I had maybe 100 ties which gave me many options depending on my mood, the occasion, and the woman of the hour...I had ties for power lunches, for appearing before municipal committees, for teaching, and for cocktail parties...
I have one tie now...my favorite actually...a silk black, green, and puce Prada that I wear to funerals...I'll probably be buried with it when I pass on...
At least to some men, myself included, the tie is much more than that useless rag around our necks as some have indicated here...
Voted up and interesting...Thanks, Larry
Oh gosh, Larry - I realize that my irreverant treatment of the subject of ties is bound to annoy some men. I just think that if men's clothing is basically conservative it is so becuz they don't want to step out of the molds and everytime some designer tries to add something more interesting it gets shot down. And it is true ties are the one things you guys have got - but I still think they are funny! Ties are very useful and a lot of fun too. I wonder what you did with all your old ties, Larry? You could have made a table cloth or something! :D
Mega...I realize your entertaining hub was mostly tongue in cheek...It was just the comments that I disagreed with...About my collection of ties...I have three sons, all professional men, that enjoy the continued, and never out of style, use of my former ties...I suspect they will be around for a third and possible fourth generation...
My first tie was a pale blue silk that I received for my first Holy Communion...We had breakfast afterwards where I promptly dribbled egg yoke on it...For some reason that image stayed with me all these years and I can truthfully say I never again soiled my tie...Larry
I'm glad I didn't annoy you, Larry. Amazing record of never soiling another tie! I've often wondered how men keep from having constant gravy stains!
This is funny...I hate ties and when I do have to wear them it is no OPA (celebration) I can tell you that. Having sad that, I did enjoy this, I only wear conservative ties and I always look people in the eye when I talk to them :)
Somehow I knew this about you mtsi! You wouldn't dream of wearing those funny ties with the bowling balls and I'm sure you don't stare at guys ties while you're talking. The men I grew up with also seemed to resent having to ever wear a tie because usually it meant they were going to have to sit still in some stuffy little church while a preacher droned on about everlasting redemption and other people used big words! Ties on = listen to stuffy people use big words! Now you know what a country bumpkin I was! Thanks for your comment, glad I made you smile awhile.
This was really funny and very well written.
Thank you.
Thank you Dim, I appreciate your comment, glad you liked it!
agh yes "To this day, this ancient battle garb was donned by modern office warriors hoping to intimidate their enemies in daily boardroom battles."
Hi, men always look uncomfortable wearing the darn things! lol my dad always said, if you were meant to wear a tie, you would have been born with a ridge around your neck! lol
I was so glad the day I didn't have to wear a tie anymore, there ok for special occasions but to wear one everyday felt like I had a noose around my neck, and my job at the time gave enough of that feeling without the tie. Just saying...
This is pretty funny stuff, and I don't disagree that ties can be funny when you stop to think about it. I know from research once that there's literally over a hundred different methods to tying a tie. It's crazy. I know also from personal experience a few years ago, I worked in sales and was told that allegedly ties represent a person's personality to some degree. I don't exactly remember it all, but I do know that the crazier the design is on the tie, then it equates to the wearer having more of an active imagination, and creativity. Therefore, if you want to get an insight to how creative a person is, then look at the design on their tie. lol.
Hi! So everyone, I missed some of these comments and didn't respond - I was on vacation and since my return I've been a bit lackadaisical (weird word, that) about interacting online. But thank you all for commenting and reading this hub. And I have seen no ties at all in real life practically since I wrote this (not counting on the talking head ties on TV) which is interesting to me - will ties ever die? no, but people will keep finding funny and strange ways to wear them, no doubt!
12/6
Mega1...GREAT hub, my friend. Great! Voted up and away. Ive worn a tie about 8 times, total, in my life. I am a man who does NOT know how to tie a tie...and yes, you can believe it. Men are that way. I never took time to watch my dad, who looked great in a suit and tie. Thanks for sharing such an in-depth story about ties. This is what makes you one of my favorite writers. And I thank you for following me. I wanted to make sure that YOU DID NOT think I took this for granted. I dont. I also wish you and yours a Very Merry Christmas and a Safe 2012.////KENNETH
thanks so much ken~ and right back at cha! have happy holidays and remember, ties make good presents becuz later you can use them for dog and cat leashes! or to tie your girlfriends down or some people unfold them, sew them together and make skirts! no lie!
Mega1....LOL, what an imagination you have. May I borrow some of your imagination for a hub about Jennifer Love Hewitt I am writing later? I would appreciate it. Your friend, Kenneth
WriteAngled 9 months ago
I hated being forced to wear a tie at school! With respect to men's ties, I think they mainly serve as indicators of a bad taste (or perhaps colour-blindness!), which might not otherwise be apparent. Other than that, I have always considered ties to be the most useless article of clothing ever invented!