Toilets and the Toilet Cover Conspiracy!

Is it perhaps a conspiracy? begun back in the 1950's when almost everyone finally moved their bathrooms into the house? The movement to conceal and decorate and further confuse the unwary bathroom user? The humble toilet suddenly became a focus for the inspired creative housewife's self-expression!

And then, there were those cold, unheated toilet chambers where you were in danger of attaching your bottom to an icey toilet seat! So enter the toilet seat COVER!

The Paisley style. Bright red “seat socks”! “Classique” soft padded covers. “Chenille” heavy duty covers! Needle point a rendition of your dog (or cat) on this one size fits all custom toilet cover! The “Eden Lace” toilet and tank cover!

Toilet seat covers - it is such a deep subject, isn’t it?

I just have to say a few things about these because the subject won’t leave my mind. (That’s how I determine whether to write about something, if it keeps popping up in my head, I have to spill it all out in a hub!) So, at the risk of irritating or possibly even offending some of you who love these things I will say what I have to say!

Toilet seat covers are just so STRANGE! Some of them may even be dangerous to your health - no, really! I mean there are, for instance, the fuzzy fabric ones made of the same stuff as your kids pajamas to warm your butt on those cold winter nights. There are the ones that match your nubby bathroom rug. (which are also, in my mind, a hygienic menace)

Never mind that these cute stretchy covers over your toilet may get filthy when your hubby comes home drunk and kneels down to pray to the porcelain god!

But, you will think, "They are only there for our comfort and to make the bathroom look more cheerful!"

Never mind that no one is gonna come into the kitchen while you’re cooking spaghetti to tell you “Mom, I just made pee pee and some got on the new pink fleece toilet seat cover! You’ll have to wash it now!” So how are you going to know? Are you going to remember to take it off and wash it every third day, rain or shine? Keeping track of this schedule religiously on that refrigerator calendar that lists the Dr. appointments? No. I don’t think so. Will you post a warning to your guests "This toilet seat cover is washed sporadically, and cannot be truly sanitized, anyway" ?

Have you ever gone to visit your dear aunt and been afraid to sit down because the seat looked strangely puffy, maybe quilted, and are those little pink rosebuds? and then there was a matching crocheted “spare roll” cover on the tank of the toilet? And her needlepointed kitty pictures all framed in pink and positioned right there at eye-level on the wall, so amazingly life-like! - staring at you while you tried to do your business?  Suddenly, maybe your need was not so immediate, after all!

Don’t mean to digress, but what about some of that stuff people hang on their bathroom walls? Pictures of grandpa, for pete’s sake, staring right at ya with a grouchy look. Or those cute sayings like “A friend is someone who will stay by you no matter what!” in italic writing over a picture of someone looking just like your hubby on Friday night - kneeling by the toilet.

I just have to ask, should we petition congress for a law? Or maybe an international regulation governing toilet accessories?

“Toilets and bathrooms must be neutral zones, by decree of the World Council!”

What about bookshelves in the bathroom? Do you want to handle those books, ever?

Back to the toilet seat cover subject : The plastic padded cushions on the seat are ok, they can be sanitized, I suppose. But I wish there were a way to know beforehand when you are in a hurry to sit down that it isn’t going to feel the way you expected! Whooops!

Then, in the 60s (and thank GOD those days are past, except in certain small Kansas towns) there were actually SHAG toilet seat covers! And who knows what had disappeared into that shag! Yuck!

Well, I’ve done my duty now, (no pun intended!) and reduced your appetite for that crusty cruller you were about to eat with your third latte. You’re on your way to reducing your weight, which was your plan for the New Year anyway, wasn‘t it?

Always here to help!